Princess Mia
This memorial website was created to remember our dearest Amelia Bethany Oquendo who was born in Miami, FL. on September 27, 2009 and passed away on January 12, 2012.
You will live forever in our memories and hearts.
Your favorite game was "Where's the baby........THERE SHE IS!"You were always smiling. And you knew exactly how to get your way. You always knew mommy was the first one to give in, and give you all the hugs and kisses and extra extra holding time that you wanted. I had to start tucking your shirt into your bottoms because you always had the habit of chewing on your little shirts! My love... My heart. I still hear your baby voice, I still feel your little hands pressing against my face, I still hear your laughter in my ears, I miss you my angel........ I look at all of your clothes, bottles, little booties and I hold on to them, smelling them......Praying to get at least an tiny smell of you. Your favorite rattles and music boxes that I play with..I still see you banging away at them with your little hands, and then you would look at me with an expression of pure joy. My baby, you have endured things in your 2 years of life that a grown adult couldn't even imagine...You have overcome so many difficult obstacles in your life you were an miracle, my miracle..You made your doctors look at you as an wonder. Proving to them that you were stronger than they all thought. You were and will always be my inspiration to become an better person. Mia I love you so much....If only I can see your face...one more time ... Just for an split second, thats all I ask. But if I cannot, I will continue to meet you in my dreams....The beach, The park, anywhere my love....You chose the destination, and I will be waiting there with your favorite Wubbanub pink horsey pacifier and your froggy blanket....And I know I won't have to bring any water or your feeding pump because I know that you are now cured from all the suffering. I can now run and play with you the way you always deserved.. My days without you are agonizing, hell on earth...I cry Mia...I cry so much baby......I want to give you an bath, feed you, take to the park and put you on the swings, theres just so many other things I wish we could've done....Things I feel that I should've done. But I didn't. It rips me apart inside...To know that I will never put your hair in pigtails, ever again. I go to the stores and I see new baby clothes, new colors, new little shoes,and I find myself walking over to them and imagining you in them..The Valentine's day onesies and bibs.. My Angel, If I could have taken any pain away from you, If I could've absorbed any of that myself..... Guilt, Anger, Confusion, Regret.....all of these feelings are inside of me.....What could I have done different baby? Please tell me and I will do it. Everyday feels like I'm floating in the clouds, like I'm screaming in a room full of people, and no one even looks up not once.......
I am now sitting here on my bed. I cried for 3 hours last night.......cringing of the thought that tomorrow, today will come. Today is Sunday, February 12th, 2012. It has been exactly one month since you passed.I had to remind myself today that this is actually happening, that you are actually gone. I look at you pictures and hold your urn, with an sickening feeling burning inside of me. To know that exactly one month ago, you were here with me, playing with me and watching Dora the Explorer. Unreal......... I can't accept this, I will never accept this. Can your hear me Mia? I'm here, another day with you. Talking to you princess. You are magnificent, you are what I always dreamed an beautiful babygirl would and could possibly be. Perfection in every way.
Do you remember when I would stroke your little forehead till you fell asleep? Do you remember me singing " Hey Soul Sister" to you? Your favorite song in the entire world. I've never seen anything more amazing than your reaction to that song, the kicking and waving the hands and humming and laughing.... Seeing you that happy and full of joy made my heart skip a beat. Oh, dear baby Mia, I Love you, God knows that I love you so much, can you please continue to dance for me? Saying goodbye to you was the most excruciating moment of my life, you are not here with me, but I feel your presence and see you and hear you everywhere, I sometimes have to pull myself back to reality because not seeing you in your high chair and car seat is unimaginable. I'm so sad mama, my heart hurts and my heart pounds when I look at your albums and toys, I have your tin of powdered milk and all of your medical supplies in your sister's dresser. I folded all of your clothes and little sockies. I have all of your bows and headbands hanging on that little bow holder plaque. I have all of your baby blankets in the dressers also. I sleep with your froggy blanket every night. It was your favorite because it's so warm and fuzzy, and I picture you snuggled up with it with your wubbanub pacy. You really loved to be cuddled with Mia, you were so special...... I loved laying with you on the bed, we would lay on our sides, face to face. And you would just hum and I would talk right back to you. I loved that so so much. And you would wake up in the mornings with your little morning breathe and you would start stretching and as soon as you would see me, you would start smiling and giggling......That was the greatest start to my mornings.....I love you, I carried you for 9 months with me, then 2 years and 107 days with me in life, and now I am carrying you in my mind, body and soul today, tomorrow and forever. I will see you again my angel. Wait for me.
April 3, 2012 Tuesday at 12:45 a.m.
Hi my beautiful baby girl, I haven't been able to write to you, but you know that we talk to one another each and every minute of the day. It's coming close to 3 months since we've held one another. I still cannot hold on to the this. I miss you. I cry, I cry everynight. It's getting harder and harder to cope. Only you know how special our bond was, what we had. It was irreplaceable darling. I hold on to your teddy bear every night before I attempt to sleep, holding on to it as if it were you....You are truly missed and these days have been getting dreadful. When will it all make sense? I don't understand why...... I cannot shake the images in m mind. Do you remember that time that you helped mommy do sit ups? You were on the bed plopped up on your boppy, and I was on the floor doing sit ups, and everytime I came up, you laughed so hard, so you helped mommy, remember? we were laughing together so hard! That was an great moment. It's like you knew what I was doing so everytime I went leaned , you stopped laughing and you waited for me to pop back up so you can laugh, pure beauty. You were an genius. And do you remember your favooorite commercial, GET CONNECTED FOR FREEEEE WITH EDUCATION CONNECTION!!!!!! Everytime it would come one, you would start humming and kicking your legs so hard! I would run to raise the volume on the tv so you could party! God I miss those moments painfully. I miss you my love. I have something planned so wonderful for the world to show them what an amazing blessing you were and still are. I want everyone to know who you were my love. You will never be forgotten. I want to express your life in millions of ways. I want to share your life with many mommies, grandmommies, granddaughters, aunts, sisters, cousins.....everyone! Your deserve the best all the way princess. I love you so much mamunchka, remember your nick name???? My little mamunchka. I still smell you , feel you, hear you. Your sister is doing well also. She is hear playing with all of her little toys that she shared with you. I know that she feels that something is missing, that your missing. Her behavior has been different since you left mama. I have to find it in myself to one day tell her about you dear. She doesn't undersand right now. She will though. Don't worry, she will know about you. Everyone will know about your radiance. You were so phenomenal, my love. Tonight I want us to meet at Disney World! Yes my love! And we don't have to wait in any lines! I know that you will love this. I can't wait princess. We can dress you in an little Snow White dress :) Adorable. I LOVE YOU BABY. ALWAYS ALWAYS AND ALWAYS. Please meet me tonight. I'll be waiting my wittle mami.
APRIL 14, 2012 FRIDAY 12:20 A.M.
Hello my angel. I am here sitting on my bed, with your big sister sleeping in her crib. Dreaming the peaceful dreams you once dreamnt. I miss you Mia.. I don't know how many other ways I can put this, I truly miss you.. There's no defining this is any way possible. I have this thought in my head that I should be strong, and as brave as possible. It is extremely difficult to continue my days. I should be strong for you. I should. I will always be your mommy. Mia, I long to hear your name through out each day of my life. I can still see you. I picture you still wrapped up in your froggy blanket. Do you remember when I wrapped you up with your little bunny hat. It was an week after christmas and it was so lovely outside. Chilly but lovely. I had you wrapped like an big burrito. And you slowly fell to sleep. You looked so adorable sleeping with your little chunky cheeks. I can barely believe that I will never again wrap you up, slide your little caps on, or hold you close to my face. I miss you so much, I just repeat myself constantly but I don't care. I know you are listening to me. I know this. I opened your memeory box yesterday because it has been 3 months since your day of rest. I held on to the last pajama shirt, bottoms, and sockies you were wearing. I inhaled them, breathing in everything that I could. Just picturing you, remembering showering you and putting on those exact cloths......It's agonizing Mia. I love you my darling. I just wish you were here long enough for me to hear you say those words right back to me. I just could imagine you as an big girl. Walking and running around, picking fights with your sister, tattling and spilling your juice. Things I wished I could've seen you do..... Mia I have these thoughts everyday. The happiness you brought to me in so little time..... undefinable how happy I was. My child, I can see you now. In your white dress....... I hope I made you happy baby. Now you sleep peacefully for me. My heart aches so much.....I don't know where to start, the damge to my soul is unrepairable...Just to think baby, What you could have become. More beautiful and smart? Thats an definite. My radiant little Mia. I look up at the sky at night and look for the brightest star there. And I say that is you. You are that shining star. Lighting up my dark nights with your radiance. Just one more time, I want to run my fingers across your forehead and hum you an lullaby, I want to rub baby lotion on your legs and arms, and kiss your little nose and play your favorite peek-a-boo games, I want to smell your feetys and feed you water. Looking around to know that you aren't here? I watch tv and I see Disney commercials and I breakdown......I know you would've loved to go there. To see Mickey Mouse and all of his friends....You deserved that and the world. It's the smallest things that surounds me, and just bothers me. I remember we went to the dolphin mall and you were so wide-eyed and amazed at all the colors and sounds, but then after awhile you became really cranky, I said okey dokey time to go home! But you loved your little outings. Darling, I miss my baby talk to you. Everything. Big hugs and heavy kisses to you princess. I love you Amelia. So much.
Goodnight my princess. I'm holding you close to my heart. Always, always and always.
April 25, 2012 Tuesday at 1:50 a.m.
Hi my darling baby girl. I was just thinking of how much you would love this commercial I just seen on tv. It had the same music and beat as your favorite song. I don't know how to really put anything I need to say into words anymore....Mia.....I can't breathe without you baby....I am not okay....I can't see the light in life. My mind has tricked me into believing that everything will be fine, and that life will go on. My mia, it will never go on for me. I cannot forget. I will not. My own fight inside will not let me. I cry while everyone sleeps. I cry silent screams, I cover my mouth to not wake up anyone. I am withering. It has been over 3 months and 13 days now....Please.......I feel like I beg you to come back to me.To be here so we can play with each others faces and blow raspberries to one another. I don't know how to explain my feelings anymore, they don't matter. As of now, I want to just feel your hands and feet one more time.....It makes me nauseous to know this, that this won't happen. I feel like theres an big rock in my throat and no matter how hard I cough it try to clear it, it does not budge. Mia.........I long for everyone to say your name every single second of every single day. Once isn't good enough. I want to see your name written in the clouds mama.....in the stars.....I want people to look at your name and your face and just marvel at the beauty you held. When will the day come. When will I see you again..... I feel like everyday lasts 100 hours without you. As if someone has played an cruel joke on me, or as if this is an horrible nightmare.....and no one is waking me up from it....I can't cry enough Mia...I can't cry enough. What has happened to us? Why has this happened? Mia my baby why.............I want to scream, I want to run and run and run until I can't feel my legs anymore and the pain is numb. You have made my life worthliving.. Your sister Angelina has endured the biggest lost, she has lost her babysister who she loved so dearly. Mia, you exist now only in my mind. I imagine what you might've looked like right now, this month , this day, this second. What you would've been saying or doing. I have to continue this routine. I want to imagine what we would've done for Mother's day, July 4th, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years, where we would have gone, what dress and bows I would have dressed you up in, what pictures we would have taken......I cannot even imagine any of these days without you, I look at people and their beautiful children living life, smiling and joyous. All of the smiles, laughter and joy has been ripped away from us. Shattered, there are no words for this feeling. I can't control my fears any more. No words....Mia I knew you. Mama, I send you kisses. I send you hugs and kisses. I lived through you. I saw the world and what beauty it held in your eyes. I don't see this anymore. Mia my Mia......I don't know how I can focus on any of this.....Please Mia, help me try to live, give me the push I need. I love you baby, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THIS WORLD FOR ME TO REALLY EXPRESS MY LOVE FOR YOU. MIA.....My love.......I MISS YOU SO MUCH..... Please continue singing and dancing fo me precious baby flower. Light of my life. You were taken too soon from me.....too soon and I will never ever accept this. I won't let you go Mia, please continue holding my hand, as I promise to never let your hand go either. Sleep my darling.
Jan 13, 2013. Sunday
My big girl, 3 years old already...How I wish I could've put frosting on your cheeks and little nosey......I couldn't find myself to write you yesterday... I couldn't fnd the right words to say...I just cried holding your blanket imagining you were wrapped up tightly how you loved..It hurts so much to know that I had a baby girl, my perfect baby girl, you were my baby, you were my all, my everything...I don't know where life begins for me....when does this all make sense.. Christmas was unlivable without you... there was gap in time for me....I can just hear you singing and laughing, picturing you admiring the christmas lights on the houses and trees, seeing the reflection of the lights in your big beautiful brown eyes.. Holidays are non-existent without you mamunchka. You are my Best Friend and I miss you so much, I feel as if I can't breathe. I continue on each day for you and your big sister..because I know that you are watching us, carrying us along, making sure that we are ok...
February 05, 2013 Tuesday, 12:36 p.m.
Hi my mamunchka...I am here sitting on my bed,looking at all your pictures, admiring how much we adored one another. When you looked at me, the smile you gave me and the intensity in your eyes really showed me how much you loved me....you knew me..You knew how much I loved you..It isn't getting any easier mama....I miss you too much...I am not functioning the way I should...It is so difficult for me to live a normal life...without you..Things do not make sense to me anymore...I find alot of things that use to have purpose, now purposeless... Your sister is getting so big....I want her to grow up so fast so that I can tell her all about you and show her all of your beautiful pictures, toys, clothes, hair bows..... I just wish I can touch you and hold you just once Mia....just one more time......I miss your warmth, the smell of you......I miss hearing you coo.... Paradise has fallen for me....How can I have been given such a gift, a diamond....such a wonderful soul, and just have it ripped from me.....I was taken from you.....When will I come to terms with this? The pain is neverending....I dislike so many things and so many people for no reason...my fuse is so short....half of my heart is missing, I have lost the will to love and commit to anything. Memories rushing through my head, flooding my mind...Falling over me like a tidal wave. Everyone keeps telling me it will be okay, it will get better.......no. It will not. They did not lose you. We lost each other. I have been such a mess.....my soul is cold. Mia.....I love you....I hear "Hey Soul Sister" everyday at work and it makes me shake and feel sick because I can just picture you kicking and laughing, eyes widening with happiness, you loved that song dearly, remember? But no one understands.....people forget... people always forget. I will never forget...never. You were my light. Days are dark now... I want to take you to so many places. Oh Mia.... Just one more night with me..please just come to me, even if I can't see you, just touch my face or kiss my cheek....hold my finger the way you use to... blow my a kiss the way you used to... this numbness is intense. I love you my darling, my angel, my mamunchka. Please help me to love. Please help me to be involved with life again.. I love you. Always and forever. I will talk to you again soon. Continue to run and play in heaven with all the beautiful angels.. wow I can just see you now... I LOVE YOU.
April 30th, 2012 Sunday going into Monday
Your big sister Angelina wrote you some words:
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We are here just thinking about you, and what we would've been doing right now. Even though it's so late, you know how we barely slept. Watching late infomercials while you played on my bed right next to me with your little pacys and toys. Mia........This is not getting any easier.... I miss you more and more each day, the pain hits me like an brick wave, knocking all the air out of me until I can't even see straight. This world isn't what I thought it would be. I exist. I am existing......I am not living.....not without you by my side. Grandpa misses you more than you know....he talks to you daily and prays for you. I hear his whispers throughout the day....and cries.... Your big cousin Ashley loves you so much, she cannot stop thinking about you. I talk to her daily, even though she is staying strong, I hear the hurt, loss and pain in her voice. Your godmommy Margarita is in a whirlwind of pain.....She loves you dearly, misses you dearly.....What we all wouldn't do just to caress your chunky cheeks just once more, kiss your fingers, and hold you up in the air like an little birdy...... You are truly adored my butterfly. My shining star that floats above me, giving me the reason to keep going... But it's difficult. I continue laying in bed, waiting to hear you cry or sing... Angelina makes so many noises that sound identical to you......It scares me to hear these sounds.....because it's as if I was just having an horrible nightmare and I have awaken, and you have come back to me......But that just will never be......My darling I love you.....I love you...... I love you....... I know you hear me.....On my knees praying, crying, begging you to come back to me......But I know.....you are now safe, away from any hurt, pain..Rest my angel, sleep ....and drift away on puffy clouds, away to an place flowing with calming waters and warm breezes.. sing an song for us all.......We are here listening darling. We Love You.♥
We Love You So Dearly Princess. I Have Such An Wonderful Event Planned For your Birthday. The City Will Be Illuminated By Your Glow. Just Thinking About It Makes Me Cry.. All Of Your Friends And Family Will Be There To Honor Your Life, Your Beautiful Spirit, And Unconditional Love.....Loving You Always, Mommy And Big Sister Angelina.
♥MY LITTLE ANGEL♥
" Where oh where can my baby be? The Lord took her away from me. She's gone to Heaven so I got to be good, so I can see my baby when I leave this world."
" Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am? There' nothing I wouldn't do, to have just one more chance.
To look into your eyes, and see you looking back."
LOVING YOU TODAY, TOMORROW AND FOREVER,
YOUR MOMMY
XOXOXOXOXOXXOOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Born on September 27th, 2009 at Baptist Hospital in Miami, Fl., at 6:16 a.m. That first cry, the first time I ever heard your voice....was the exact moment I knew that me and you were about to begin an amazing journey together. My little baby Mia. My love, my daughter, my child, I Love You ♥Amelia Bethany Oquendo♥.
